Xaos - Chaos Magick

I was walking last night, planning on talking to the musegoddess / egregore / HGA / watcher / anthropomorphic personified superego that deigns to hang around me from time to time.

I wanted to express my frustration, let hir know that I wanted, nay, demanded more from life, from magick, from hir. Then I realised how arrogant I would sound, and began constructing respectful sounding sentences that boiled down to the same thing: gimme more truth, gimme more power, bitch.

I rolled my eyes at myself. I would get nowhere if I approached hir with such childish demands or obsequeous begging. This would never work. One can’t ‘position an argument’ with a being who knows your every thought.

As I circumnavigated these thoughts, rolling over my plans to commune with the long-legged one, s/he spoke to me. As a giggling brook, as a whisper heard with no sound, I knew I had already been judged.

Maybe you see how oh so very dull it is for a self-agrandising mortal to demand certaintude and power. It’s embarassing to say it here in the light of morning. Maybe you can guess at a ‘wise phrase’ my daemon might have whispered to me. Something about “great responsibility” or a nod towards “the power we all carry inside already”.

But no. S/he knows my every foible, she knows what a bullshitter I am, and s/he don’t bullshit me ever.

A test. A step of faith.

I don’t know what that means, but I’m excited by hir challenge and supremely proud to have caught hir attention (s/he’s a very busy persongodavatar).

The moral of this story is that one cannot spin a yarn to a god and expect them to be swayed by your beautiful words. The lesson of this story is they are already in-tune with you - so what are you asking for each day?

Xaos

P.S. In ‘normal’ terminology I’m an atheist. I don’t know what these ‘god’ words mean. I only gnow what I experience.