Xaos - Chaos Magick

I have learnt to raise my shields in different ways depending on my energetic environment, the perceived threat and of course, depending on how I feel.

I use stealth shields, glossy, frictionless shields, spiky aggressive attacking shields, solid blocking shields, repulsive rebound shields and multi-layered elemental shields.

But regardless of how I shape, hone and imagine my psychic shielding, they’re basically up all the time in some form or another.

I’m very grateful to be naturally well shielded, although I do worry that my super-responsive shields are a response to my overly-sensitive threat register. Parts of my Ego perceives threat from the most innocuous quarters. I’m on high-alert far too often.

When I’m relaxed, in control, master of myself and my universe, I can raise, lower, amend and shift my shields at will, more or less… When I’m het up, I can’t lower them. This is a problem; it means I’m less accepting of energy I need; it means I can’t absorb base energies, and can’t accept healing.

I think this is a symptom of my lack of emotional knowledge. While “Know Thyself” is the highest command and the purpose of life, I fail when it comes to accepting and understanding all my emotional states. I repress. I choose (on some level) not to connect. I analyse my emotions from a distance. I discuss trauma as a story. I tell myself stories about how I feel, instead of feeling.

Intellectual understanding of my emotional state is of little benefit, without true emotional synthesis.

So, my shields are up, and they’re ‘protecting’ me from some very desirable and pleasant states :(

Here’s an audio footnote for your entertainment.