Xaos - Chaos Magick

Young light

I am a young child. I’m almost alone in my room. I don’t know why I’ve been sent here but they say I’m bad. The curtains are closed but it’s still light outside and the room is filled with a pink glow. The sheets on my bed are purple. I like the purple ones. I have more control when the sheets are purple. The yellow ones don’t work as well. She chose the yellow ones.

I call the light to me, shape it, colour it into beautiful swirls. There’s a gap in the top of the curtains where they haven’t been closed properly. I send one of the little swirls of light energy up to close the gap. It dances playfully before doing as instructed and I laugh at its playfulness.

I’m sure he’s here with me. I can feel him now. I’ve been anticipating his arrival for a long time. I can’t see him and he doesn’t know I’m here, but he will. One day.

Now she’s here too. The one with the wings. The one I can see. I look up at her. She isn’t touched by the pink glow. She is in my room and yet not. I know she’s not in this world. She’s in my world. The other one. The one from before. My colourful lights swirl around her, excited.

“He’s here.” I tell her.

“Not yet, but almost.” She replies warmly. “Be patient little flower.”

“Will he know me?” I ask hopefully.

She looks at me for a while and I stare back at her as she answers. “One day he will.”

“How long?” I ask, my youthfulness failing to hide my impatience.

“Too long for you to imagine, but no time at all.”

I don’t ask any more questions. I know she wants to leave now.

“Will you be back?” I add quickly as she begins to fade.

“I’m never gone little flower” she replied.

8 March 2010 • guest spirit energy submission

Raise my hackles, raise my shields

I have learnt to raise my shields in different ways depending on my energetic environment, the perceived threat and of course, depending on how I feel.

I use stealth shields, glossy, frictionless shields, spiky aggressive attacking shields, solid blocking shields, repulsive rebound shields and multi-layered elemental shields.

But regardless of how I shape, hone and imagine my psychic shielding, they’re basically up all the time in some form or another.

I’m very grateful to be naturally well shielded, although I do worry that my super-responsive shields are a response to my overly-sensitive threat register. Parts of my Ego perceives threat from the most innocuous quarters. I’m on high-alert far too often.

When I’m relaxed, in control, master of myself and my universe, I can raise, lower, amend and shift my shields at will, more or less… When I’m het up, I can’t lower them. This is a problem; it means I’m less accepting of energy I need; it means I can’t absorb base energies, and can’t accept healing.

I think this is a symptom of my lack of emotional knowledge. While “Know Thyself” is the highest command and the purpose of life, I fail when it comes to accepting and understanding all my emotional states. I repress. I choose (on some level) not to connect. I analyse my emotions from a distance. I discuss trauma as a story. I tell myself stories about how I feel, instead of feeling.

Intellectual understanding of my emotional state is of little benefit, without true emotional synthesis.

So, my shields are up, and they’re ‘protecting’ me from some very desirable and pleasant states :(

Here’s an audio footnote for your entertainment.

11 January 2010 • psychic shields magick emotionalretard protection energy block